She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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