We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize