no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
