Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
