you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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