Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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