How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
