making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Randomize