I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
