why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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