I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
You need Xanax blowdarts
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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