grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
