My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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