Apparently you make a good broom.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
