We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
