I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
