I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
that is very illegal...i love you.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize