You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
