first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize