...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
