If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
