how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
