i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
