I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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