getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
