Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
