if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Randomize