That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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