if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Actions speak louder than pants.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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