I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize