Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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