dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
