I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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