I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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