its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
