eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
