I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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