I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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