I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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