I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
you told grandpa to call you daddy
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
