Tell her she can't have a vagina
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
dude. I can hear the air.
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