I want to make a zoo with you.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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