She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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