No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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