im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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