just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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