Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
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