No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
