Buhtt sex?
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
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