I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Why is there bacon in the couch?
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize