my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
