Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
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