The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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