I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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