I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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