I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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