I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Randomize
