They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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