I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
