Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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