It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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