Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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