If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
