My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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