I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Everyone says I win the strip club
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
