I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
i just sent this text using only my big toe
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
