my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
