So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize