Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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