The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
