he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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