Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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