you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
