i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
