This dress was meant to end up on your floor
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
