i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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