I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Randomize
