Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Randomize
