dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize