we have pet lesbian snakes
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I need to sanitize my soul.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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