He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Randomize
