My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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