I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I need a beard to bite.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Randomize
