At least make sure they are 18
Why
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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