What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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