Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Randomize
