The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
