apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize