Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
