my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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