When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
