just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Randomize
