my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Randomize
