I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Randomize
