Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Randomize
