Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Can I color on your dick again?
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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