I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Michael Bay diarrhea
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
