my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
You smell like stripper and shame
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Randomize
