I should be sponsored by Trojan
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
