Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I currently don't understand fingers.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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