i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
