so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
