He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
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