wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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