I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Randomize
