home. puking in laundry basket.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize